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Monday, April 11, 2011

Trusting

I need to get a job!  I look around though and with the economy the way that it is, the job market plus factor in my age (now I'm starting to feel old), well, jobs are not as available as they were just a a short time ago!  I tried hard, maybe too hard to make one job come about (it didn't) and then I realized that I needed to ask the question...


                                           "What does trusting You look like to YOU God"?

Cuz I thought that I was trusting, but then I started to become anxious...I started to fret...I started to be emotional!  I realized that what it was that I was experiencing was financial insecurity.  Now, I have had financial insecurity at times in my life...many many years ago.  The difference is that my husband and I are both much older and the world is definitely a different place now.  I love techy products, but I don't have a clue as to the make-up of them!  I'm not too old to go back to school, but by the time I got out, I would be in a worse financial condition than now and not sure what the job market would hold for me.  So, I was struggling with "FINANCIAL INSECURITY"!

                                           "What does trusting You look like to YOU Father"?

I was watching some t.v. the other morning when a music box thingy which sits on top of our fireplace, just started playing.  It hadn't been wound up in I don't know how long and here it was, playing.  At first I thought that maybe it was on the t.v. but then I muted it and the music still played...slowly...about a dozen notes.  I just stared it.  Thought it was my imagination so I unmuted the t.v. and started watching my show again.  The music thingy started playing a few notes again.  After turning off the t.v., I looked at the music thingy (I call it that because it is a metal contraption in the shape of a Harley Davidson and thingy is easier)...then just looked outside.

"Here I am Lord.  Are you trying to get my attention"?

I won't say that I heard an audible voice, but I did feel that the Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart.  Telling me that Trusting, to God, was letting Him take care of me HIS way, however He was going to take care of me.  Trusting Him, believing His promises, to do it His way and not some preconceived notion!  I can tell you honestly that I settled right down...no more anxious thoughts...no more tears...no more irritability!

I found myself praying during communion on Sunday, that if He wanted to take me to the place of where I needed to trust Him for my very "manna" each day...then take me there...I think I know what I am praying for and honestly hope that He doesn't have to make me go that far to show me how to truly trust Him. 

It won't be fun and it won't be pretty, but much of walking with the Lord is hard anyway isn't it?  In the beginning, oh sure, it was like WOW!  Awesome!  God is AWESOME!  But then as you walk further with Him, He wants ALL of you and you start finding out that where you thought you had given Him your all, you really didn't and so He starts peeling off the layers so He can get to the part that He can really use...the part that He wants...yes I said HE WANTS...to spend eternity with!  So as painful as the peeling (or pruning process if you prefer) hurts, I am always so much happier when each piece is off! 


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